Fearlessness
by ThickerThanLove
Summary: A short bit I wrote a while ago. Buddi and Ursa have a discussion one night about the concept of being fearless and strong. Ursa's answer surprises and encourages the youngest Barbic


The stars were friendly. They just sparkled endlessly and never judged. Buddi used to watch them all the time when he was younger, though he suspected Grubbi had some influence on that. Buddi never got into the gazing as much as the Barbic cook had but there certainly was some comfort in basking in nature. He did it less than before now. There was just something so barren about the lands around Ursalia. They were so dry, sparse trees and mountains that loomed upward into the heavens, making his knees quiver.

Usually, he would take comfort in his dreams. Though he would never admit it, his dreams usually took him back to the woods, back to the trees. Being a creative child, as was almost a necessity being the only one, his imagination was capable of near reality images. He reveled in that at night, took comfort at feeling the breeze again.

However, just as a blade could cut its own bearer, some nights they did the same. The dreams of memory would turn into waves of fire, flame and smoke. He would awake in a cold sweat, heart pounding. It was an emotion he felt that he was subjected to far too often, the emotion of fear. He saw Ursa, Gritti, all the others take things as they came and not bat an eye. He used to believe, as a younger child, that such bravery came with age. Now, however, with his Test of Bearhood behind him and his emotions the same, he wondered if he would ever stand on their same level.  
"You're going to be dead tired tomorrow and I don't want to hear any belly-aching."

Turning, Buddi regarded the woman leaning against the doorframe that led out onto his balcony was a bit of annoyance. He thought of a snarky reply, thought better of it and turned his attention back skyward. He didn't hear anything for a moment, thought maybe she left with that simple warning but then she entered his view again, sitting on the railing by his left side.

"You're a dreamer Buddi," she stated the obvious. "But I've learned those eyes a long time ago."

"What eyes?" he responded quickly.

Rolling her own eyes, Ursa grasped his chin and turned so he faced her. "The eyes that give away what you're thinking about and right now it's something bothering you that you shouldn't be wasting your time dwelling on."

Buddi kept his face firm, more afraid of her agreeing with his sentiment of himself than much else. "Dunno what you're talkin'-"

"You're a bad liar, just like I am." She responded to his attempts to sidestep the question. "Your eyes have a different angle and light depending on what you're thinking or what you need. Right now, they have the same look they had when you were four and clinging to my leg because of some nightmare."

Buddi's face burned and he diverted his eyes as much as he could, given she still had a firm grip on his chin. She wasn't done though. She spoke again, this time with a gentler tone, one had not heard since before the Woods fell.

"Enlighten your mother a bit."

Her actually referring to herself by that term was surprising in itself. She, like many Barbics before her, did not put a lot of stock in titles. Clan members recognized each other by their actions, not by what they called themselves. Unlike the Glens, who utilized speaking and kisses and hugs, Barbic displays of affection were much simpler. So, hearing her call herself by the proper title was unnerving.

Which was exactly her intention because it got him to answer.

"Did you mean what you said? That I had proven my worth at the Test of Bearhood?" he finally managed.

Ursa's shock and surprise were very apparent. "Buddi, since when do I say anything without meaning it? Let alone at something so vital as the Test of Bearhood?"

Buddi let out a hefty sigh, rubbing his chin when she let go. "I dunno...I don't feel any different."

She raised a brow at him "Did you think you would?"

"Well...yeah." He pouted slightly and pulled himself up to sit on the edge beside her. "I thought it was this big step, this huge transformation..."

"What did you expect to change?"

He bit his lip, "I guess...to become more like you."

At this, she shifted her weight so she locked eyes with her son. "More like me?"

"Well...yeah, you know...the fearless, tough warrior...but I'm not." He sighed again; it felt bad just admitting it to himself, saying it out loud made it worse. "I'm still afraid of things..."

At this, his mother scoffed and for a moment, Buddi thought she would scold but instead, she said "Fearlessness does not make a warrior, Buddi."

"But you're-"

"No more fearless than you are" She responded quickly. "I've learned to hide my fear over the years, out of necessity but there is always fear." She thought a moment before she added "The greatest warrior is born from fear, child."

Buddi must have looked confused because Ursa gave a light chuckle. "Oxymoronic?" She inquired

He nodded "yeah..."

"Well, not so much" She argued. "Not if you really think about it. A Barbic learns to use fear. Fear makes your eyes focus sharper, makes your muscles stronger, your reflexes faster."

Buddi could agree with that. He had experienced that many a time. It was the reaction his body took when it felt danger. He had been running on fear throughout the Gulch and truth be told, it probably kept him alive. He stopped and considered angles, reactions, things like that. Things Ursa had been teaching him had suddenly been thrust into a cold calculated procedure.

"But" she spoke out again "Fear can also be a liar, one that makes you question and requestion everything. Over time, you learn when she lies and when she aids." She gave her son a gentle and delicate grin, saying "it's a dance you learn over time. You learn fear's moves and you retaliate to make the most of her aid and the least of her lies."

She set her sights on her son again and looked him directly in the face, intently. "But it is those that are fearless that make the worst warriors, Buddi." She patted his cheek a moment, gently "They have no aid to their mission because they fear nothing. They fear losing nothing and they fear gaining nothing. They are willing to die for anything and so they will end up dying for nothing." Standing, she stretched and rubbed her son's shoulder a moment. "Those who feel fear have things they hold dear, people they are willing to protect, lives they're determined to preserve." Strutting back inside with the dignity of a jungle cat, she ended with "My strongest fighters are those that fear losing much. So I know they'll have the strength to prevent it."

Buddi stared after her long after she had vanished. Her words echoed a long while and they made an odd warmth circle in his heart. Suddenly his dreams and nightmares did not seem like such burdens but rather an invitation. An invitation by an entity that was old as time to test his strength and help him grow stronger. He wanted to be strong, like his mother, his fellow clan members.

Walking inside, he climbed into bed, noting his bedside lamp was still on. He considered the shadows of his room, and while they made him nervous, they also reminded him of the great link of fighters he was a part of, if still growing. Lying down in the covers, he reached out, hesitated a moment then turned the lamp down and off. "Let's dance."

Outside his room, the Barbic Leader gave a small smile and headed towards her own quarters...after she cracked her son's door. Just a bit.


End file.
